if you gotta go, then go… then GO

I am disdainful of women who take a long time in the bathroom. It falls under my general irritation: people who move too slow (for me). I am all about stopping and smelling the roses, but there are times when it just outrageous.

Anyway, back to my original thought: women in the bathroom. It is ridiculous. Growing up, I always thought when I hit mysterious “womanhood” my bathroom time would magically increase to meet the “normal” length. It’s not normal. Women who spend five minutes or more in the bathroom are ridiculous. I get it if you are dropping a deuce. I have no problem with 5 min + poops. It happens. But there are some women who spend between five and ten minutes in the bathroom everytime they go. And I DON’T KNOW WHAT THEY ARE DOING. Trust me, I am watching, earnestly tring to understand. In fact (creepily enough) I just was in the bathroom not too long ago and when I entered my stall to do my business a woman was washing her hands. By the time I was done she was just throwing her paper towel away. As I washed my hands I watched her slowly put on her scarf, adjusting it perfectly (ironically enough she was going for a dishevilled look). I left during this process, disgusted at her fastidiousness. (again, it’s not wrong to be fastidious, but come on! it’s a scarf: it should be functional not fashionable [or if it is fashionable it should still be more functional, she was about to cover it with a coat, only a fraction would show])

I just do not understand how people can purposelly move that slowly. I try but I just can’t do it. I am way to active, there is so much of life to experience, why spend the time in the bathroom? Trust me, if the bathroom was the place to be, I would be there! Stop looking in the mirror, moving slow enough to go backwards, and futzing with your attire: no one is going to notice the little details anyway! Get out of the bathroom and start living ladies!!!

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