Oh shit, I just became one of those dog people

I cannot believe I am writing a blog about my new dog, but here I am. My husband and I recently adopted a seven year old toy fox terrier from the Red Door Society. He is really something. Apparently his former owners were Polish and trained him… in Polish. So I have a Polish speaking dog. He is also a homebody. So he fits in really well with me and Matt. He never wants to go for walks, at least not right now. I think it is probably due to his abandonment issues (yeah, my dog has issues…I could probably even find a dog shrink to take him to– i won’t but i could), he is afraid that if we leave the house he won’t come back.

He also likes Matt better than me. I think that’s because Matt picked him up and brought him home. I came into the picture two days later. So there is that. Also he has no tail and so he shakes his whole body instead. I think he is a very excitable dog because he is ALWAYS shaking.

Finally, he likes to go under the couch. It’s weird, but he fits in– we are really weird too.

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Tales from the Megabus

Oh megabus, you never fail to entertain. Today I would like to share my megabus ride with you through a series of short pithy letters to the passengers around me.

Dear seat partner,
I am not nearly as nice as I look. Please take your fat ass off my seat, remove your chubby elbow from my ribs, and buy two seats for your triple x body.
Sincerely,
I sat down first

Dear pot smokers,
If you did not bring enough weed for the entire bus, then you should not be lighting up. It isn’t fair for you to enjoy this ride more than everyone else.
Sincerely,
Sober

Dear high school girls behind me,
Just because your parents bought you tickets on the bus does not mean they bought you the whole fucking bus.
Sincerely
stop kicking my seat

Dear woman on the phone
Just because the person you are talking to is hundreds of miles away does not mean that we are.
Sincerely
I don’t like talking about my period why would I enjoy hearing about yours.

Dear cute couple,
Please stop cuddling. You make me miss my husband.
Sincerely,
Mrs. Trueblood

Dear Matt
After eight hours of continually playing bejeweled blitz I finally beat your score.
Sincerely
Pathetic

Gas leaks

Our apartment has gas leaks. And I am not just talking about the ones coming out of our asses. Every so often, one of our burners goes out and it smells terrible. I’m not really sure why it happens. Or how actually. Just that now and again we have to relight a pilot. Except we don’t have matches. So it is pretty humorous to watch us try to light the thing. We open the top of the stove. Stare for a little while. Then we grab a lighter. Right before we try to light it, I freak out and have visions of explosions and fire. So the lighter goes away. Sometimes we try a piece of paper. We have two pilots so we light the paper with one, and then try to ignite the other pilot. It never works. The paper burns too fast or doesn’t burn. Again, this accompanied by visions of our apartment going up in flames. Ultimately, we end up calling the building manager and making him deal with it. It is probably easier for us to buy matches, but that would require some sort of planning/remembering/organization on our part, and preparedness really isn’t our strong suit.

Head Cold

So, you know how you get those head colds where it feels like someone has hit you in the face with a bat? yeah, those suck. Too bad I have one right now.

It is a real downer to have this cold right now, but when is it ever not a downer to have a cold?

Our Mail is Lame

We have the mail of death where we live. No joke. Half the time mail doesn’t reach us. Especially when we first moved in. We did not get any mail, but it didn’t get back to the sender for months! My poor sister Clara has sent several letters and half the time the letters get lost. And now, people we send mail to don’t get it! I made Clara a friendship bracelet in February and she has not gotten it yet. What’s that about?

Maybe the mailman took it; it was a pretty awesome bracelet.

Movie Review: Beastly

So I saw Beastly, but before you cast judgement, know that it was because of my internship. I took my Thursday group to the movie.

The movie was just as I expected: a great movie for high school girls. This pretty much summarizes my review of the movie except for a few plot details that bothered me.

First there were two really awkward moments where the main actor clearly did not know what to do. If those were the scenes the director chose to make the final cut, I do not want to see the scenes that did not make the cut. Clearly, someone has not grown into his body yet and does not understand how it moves.

Second, the two main characters Alex/Hunter and Lindy are seniors in high school yet are living as two college students (or older). Literally, they are sequestered from the outside world and have all the money they could want at their fingertips. It is entirely unbelievable.

I think it was a good role choice for Vanessa Hudgens’ first major role back. I also think that Mary-Kate Olsen did an excellent job, but it is a little weird to see her without her other half.

¿Dónde está el baño?

Last night, my husband got lost on his way to the bathroom, which, when you think about it, is kind of amazing. Our apartment is not that big. When you leave our bedroom all you have to do is turn right and you are in the bathroom. My only guess is that he turned left. Once he turned left once, all hope was lost. I imagine him wandering throughout our apartment unsure of where he was at all. I bet he thought we were not even home. Eventually, he found his way back to the bedroom. Instead of just coming back to bed and keeping me from knowing, he sat down on the end of the bed, right on my feet, which woke me up. I remember pulling my feet away from him, groggily looking up and asking him what he was doing. That’s when he told me he was looking for the bathroom. I didn’t have time for his late night antics, so I gave my advice, and sent him on his merry search. Since the sheets were dry this morning, and I found no puddles in any corner of the apartment, I assume he eventually made it to the bathroom.