Rated M for Mature

Lindsey Jawish won the name lottery, in my opinion: she has a capital L and a capital J, which in cursive are the best. Anyway, recently Lindsey’s been a rock in my life. She helped out so much with wedding plans and helped kept me sane. She was always there: at dress shopping, at showers, at the bachelorette party, everything, and she never once made it about herself.

Now, as much as this sounds like a love letter to Lindsey, I wanted to highlight some of her recent interactions with me. These interactions have led Matt and myself to the conclusion that Lindsey has been living the last few weeks perpetually tipsy (she’s making good use of the flask we got her if this is the case)!

exhibit a: Facebook statuses

Dear Men,
The first jockstrap was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. It took 100 years for you to realize that the brain is also important.
Sincerely, Oh that’s why you need me to make your sandwich

Dear Boy Scouts,
Nobody likes the popcorn, they only want cookies.
Sincerely, the Girl Scouts.

I later found out she got these from http://www.dearblankpleaseblank.com/

exhibit b: texts

Me: my husband just called a drinking fountain a “bubbler”
Lindsey: Fucking wisconsinites. its a drinking fountain, bubbles sold separately.

Matt thought this was an unusually aggressive response to my text.

exhibit c:

Okay, we don’t have an exhibit c and we don’t actually think Lindsey is drunk all the time, but we did want everyone to know how much she rocks. And that she can kick your ass. So watch out.

and DAMN she’s a SEXY BITCH!!!

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