I just did some research on narcissism which is why I have not blogged in a while. Studies show that since the 1970s narcissistic traits have increased in the American culture. More and more young adults feel an unearned sense of entitlement focused on how “wonderful” they are. Conversation focuses on the individual and not on external people. Our goals become the only ones that matter. There is no sense of common purpose or common drives. These narcissistic traits are enhanced by our social media and social networking. Blog, Twitter, Facebook, MySpace, etc. give a platform for people to create an image for themselves and people get to decide what projection of themselves is created online. This means that people create the best image of themselves, allows the creator to over-inflate self-worth, and there is no one to hold them accountable. The individual can then engage in hundreds of shallow relationships with people they have never met; people who can never say that person is not what they pretend to be.
After researching this for a few days, I started to balk at the thought of blogging. I am using this blog as a way to feed my ego. Every day I check my site stats. I need people to read my blog. I need the validation I feel when people comment on my posts. It makes me feel good when my site stats reach a new record.
And that wasn’t my intent. My intent was to talk about what I think and feel. Add my few thoughts to the world and maybe connect with some people. But how did I think I could achieve this on a blog where much of my readership is unknown to me? And I am not talking about anything relevant. I started talking about politics and philosophy and my dreams. Now I just tell mundane stories about my life. I even, at one point, had a page called “quotes by people better than I” but couldn’t come up with anything. I mean, sure, I could have googled quotes, but they would not have meaning and depth if I understood them. If I had read the quote in context and digested the meaning. So I deleted the one altruistic page I had.
So now I am in a pickle. I love writing. I love blogging. But the self-feeding narcissism is making me self-conscious. I get that some self-love and self-inflation is needed to maintain a healthy level of self-esteem, but at what point does it become narcissistic? And maybe all my self-reflection is just another form of narcissism (hypervigilant narcissism if you must know).
Feedback? (I need some self-inflation)