Two Months

Two months. It has been two months since my Emerson was here with me.

I am so tired. All the time. Just tired.

I’ve been back to work for a month. It’s exhausting.

I got a tattoo on my right wrist of Emerson’s heartbeat.

I stopped my anxiety medication. It was just too much.

I take my PRN sleeping medication daily or I don’t sleep.

I still have not scheduled therapy but I know I should.

I am not healthy in my emotions.

I need to be for my children.

Sometimes I yell for no reason at my family.

Sometimes I leave the house

Sometimes I can’t breathe when I put Sorkin to bed.

I cry a lot. For every reason.

I feel manic.

I feel depressed.

I feel out of control.

Lincoln got two teeth in this last month.

He has started crawling.

He looks like his big brother Emerson

He acts like him too.

But he doesn’t remember Emerson.

Sorkin started, then stopped, then started having nightmares.

He still cannot sleep in his room.

He misses Emerson but just doesn’t understand the pain.

My husband has been home for the last two months.

He starts his new (old) job next week.

He’s tired too.

He feels the pain too.

We have good days together.

We share a lot with each other.

We have bad days together.

Sometimes we can’t help each other

Our relationship is changing.

We designed a shirt in honor of Emerson.

We hold onto what’s left of our family.

I am just so tired.

 

Emerson, what I wouldn’t give for you to come back. One more of anything wouldn’t be enough my Baby. I want you back forever. I miss you so much Emerson. My arms hurt from the emptiness which is the absence of your weight. I didn’t know missing you could be so heavy on my body. I love you Emerson.

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