Emerson’s fifth birthday

It’s been a long time since I wrote an update. These last few months have been so unbearably difficult and sharing has not come naturally to me. Today feels like a culmination of the pain but I know tomorrow the pain will still be there. And I am not sure I will be ready to talk about it, or share it, or make it real in anyway.

Five years ago today, my son Emerson was born by emergency c-section. Five short years that were a lifetime ago. Today, this is how my husband, two sons, and myself celebrated:

Displaying IMG_1212.JPG

and that is terrible. I honestly don’t even have words to describe the pain in my heart today.

To say I wish for “one more” is not true. I wish for a lifetime more. A lifetimes more of birthdays. A lifetime more of big memories and little memories. Instead I get to spend my lifetime reflecting on the short 4 years and 4 months my sunshine was in my arms. I miss you my little love. You made your mommy a better person than I was without you. You brought me so much joy and happiness. Happy Birthday in Heaven my love. Until we meet again.