Emerson’s fifth birthday

It’s been a long time since I wrote an update. These last few months have been so unbearably difficult and sharing has not come naturally to me. Today feels like a culmination of the pain but I know tomorrow the pain will still be there. And I am not sure I will be ready to talk about it, or share it, or make it real in anyway.

Five years ago today, my son Emerson was born by emergency c-section. Five short years that were a lifetime ago. Today, this is how my husband, two sons, and myself celebrated:

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and that is terrible. I honestly don’t even have words to describe the pain in my heart today.

To say I wish for “one more” is not true. I wish for a lifetime more. A lifetimes more of birthdays. A lifetime more of big memories and little memories. Instead I get to spend my lifetime reflecting on the short 4 years and 4 months my sunshine was in my arms. I miss you my little love. You made your mommy a better person than I was without you. You brought me so much joy and happiness. Happy Birthday in Heaven my love. Until we meet again.

 

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One thought on “Emerson’s fifth birthday

  1. Thinking of you today wishing that I could change things for you. I know I cannot but what I can do is continue to pray, not that you will forget the pain but that the pain will subside and you will be able to enjoy the memories and cherish those times. Remember he made you a better person and you made him a better person by caring for him and loving him unconditionally. You now have an angel and he will continue to be with you everyday. I will continue to pray for you Maria and for your family.

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